Understanding the middle child syndrome

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This article was written by Qaqamba Falithenjwa.

This is a term that might sound playful, but for many middle-borns, it hits home. Sandwiched between the firstborn achiever and the youngest attention-grabber, middle children often feel overlooked or left out.

However,  do you think this is just a stereotype, or is there more to it? Let’s dive into the psychology behind this phenomenon, uncovering why the middle child often gets a reputation for being the peacekeeper, the rebel, or even the forgotten one—and how understanding it could reshape family dynamics!

The Charlie Health publication claims that birth order theory, introduced by Alfred Adler in the early 1900s, suggests that each birth order position, the oldest, middle, and youngest, has a developmental impact on children, leading to specific personality traits. It is stated that studies have mixed results, with some suggesting middle children report lower happiness levels and others showing higher psychiatric risk.

According to Parents, birth order is most likely to influence a person’s personality, with older children being more reliable and conscientious, while younger siblings may be more relaxed and always in pursuit of fun experiences.

On the other hand, the publication states that middle children may feel excluded or neglected, leading to middle child syndrome. “This phenomenon, called middle child syndrome, may also leave them without a sense of place within the family. They might say, ‘No one understands me or listens to what I say.’ Also common: ‘My big brother gets to do all the fun stuff first, and everyone babies my little sister. I’m left out.”

Choosing Therapy mentions that middle children often experience a high sense of independence which can lead to feelings of alienation and competitiveness, as they feel like second best in the family, competing in various aspects such as academics, athletics, and parental attention. “With oldest siblings getting the spotlight for their achievements, and the younger siblings getting attention because of their youth, middle children can feel that they don’t belong. Because of this, a sense of alienation from the family can develop.”

The above source also states that these kids tend to develop strong social skills and strong sharing behaviours early on, as they learn to interact with adults, older kids, and younger kids in established families. They are said to quickly learn sharing and negotiation skills.

This article first appeared on Bona.